Dreamer9177

December marks my anniversary since I joined Medium. I am having a wonderful time reading stories and writing my own. Medium has exposed me to some marvelous people I wish to meet in person. 

I know that my writing has improved this last year, but I still have a long way to go. Practice makes perfect. 

I love Medium, but I am also a realist, or, as some prefer, a pessimist. Medium is nothing more than a tool for all of us. It isn't Medium that writes the stories. It isn't Medium who sends words of support and wisdom to aspiring writers. 

For me, Medium is what I already described: a place for me to read wonderful stories and try to create my own. But to others, Medium is a means to make money from writing. I have no problem with that approach, but it isn't for me. I rarely check my “earnings,” but the only statistic worth mentioning is that I only made $4 one time in my entire year. That doesn't bother me. I'm obviously not a good enough writer to make that kind of money. I'm OK with that, but I sense a shift in Medium towards supporting the profitable writers first. Since I'm not a shareholder, I don't get a vote on things like that; when I was in the Navy, we’d say that decisions like those were above our pay grade.

As the new membership tiers arrive on Medium, I must smile and say no thanks. I can't afford the huge price increase. I'll stick with my current plan until they phase it out.   

“Why in the world are we here Surely not to live in pain and fear” John Lennon “Instant Karma”

December marks my anniversary since I joined Medium. I am having a wonderful time reading stories and writing my own. Medium has exposed me to some marvelous people I wish to meet in person. 

I know that my writing has improved this last year, but I still have a long way to go. Practice makes perfect. 

I love Medium, but I am also a realist, or, as some prefer, a pessimist. Medium is nothing more than a tool for all of us. It isn't Medium that writes the stories. It isn't Medium who sends words of support and wisdom to aspiring writers. 

For me, Medium is what I already described: a place for me to read wonderful stories and try to create my own. But to others, Medium is a means to make money from writing. I have no problem with that approach, but it isn't for me. I rarely check my “earnings,” but the only statistic worth mentioning is that I only made $4 one time in my entire year. That doesn't bother me. I'm obviously not a good enough writer to make that kind of money. I'm OK with that, but I sense a shift in Medium towards supporting the profitable writers first. Since I'm not a shareholder, I don't get a vote on things like that; when I was in the Navy, we’d say that decisions like those were above our pay grade.

As the new membership tiers arrive on Medium, I must smile and say no thanks. I can't afford the huge price increase. I'll stick with my current plan until they phase it out.   

“Why in the world are we here Surely not to live in pain and fear” John Lennon “Instant Karma”

I am grateful for each day. When I wake up, I marvel at the promise of each new day. The first thing I do as I brush the sleep out of my eyes is to open the window blinds and see what the outside world looks like. Is it bright and sunny? Or is it cloudy and dark? It doesn't bother me either way anymore. Being disabled and unable to work gives me the luxury of perspective first thing in the morning. 

Sometimes, I just lay in bed and contemplate going back to sleep if I can, but there are other days when I immediately head to the bathroom and jump into a nice hot shower. I know this all sounds terribly mundane and boring, but writing about it soothes that inner demon that is always trying to express itself in words. 

As always, I have an ever-growing backlog of stories and ideas for stories that I keep filed away. What I'm writing now is, at this point, just another random stream-of-consciousness item that may grow into a story later on with a bit of encouragement and editing. I never try predicting how long a partial story might linger in my backlog before it matures or gets discarded. 

There are days when I do wake up already feeling exhausted. This usually happens after a night when my blood sugar goes low, and I have to take glucose to get it back to normal. Days like that disappoint me, but they don't ruin my mood for long. I've learned to see those days as a sign that I just need more rest, so I adjust my expectations. Those days are just as precious to me as any others. It's all in how one looks at the world and reacts to it. 

Much like my expectations for my writing, I don't stress statistics or the number of followers I have, and I don't set unreasonable daily goals. Living in the moment is the key to peace and serenity. 

“Why in the world are we here Surely not to live in pain and fear” John Lennon “Instant Karma”

Kindness is in short supply right now. All my efforts to focus on the here and now are falling short, and I am letting the tension go and relaxing before making any rash decisions I know I will regret later. With that being the case, I wrote my story using Apple Pages. I love trying new things, and since I cannot sleep right now, it is an excellent opportunity.

Since Grammarly has finally gotten an extension to work with Apple Pages, this will perform much more smoothly than my previous attempt. I am still a rather sloppy typist, relying heavily on Grammarly to catch my mistakes. I type only a sentence or two at any one time to proofread them, avoiding confusion later more easily. I used to be much more proficient with typing, but my disability dramatically affected my neural skills, so I go as fast as I feel comfortable.

Another feature I like with Apple Pages is the word count at the bottom. While a timer is excellent, I can use a character count almost as effectively as I slowly make my way through each story. It sounds like the old how-to-write-a-school paper routine, but I don't count every word. I go back periodically and see how many words I managed to get down without losing my train of thought. I have a set number of words in mind that experience taught me will equal out to a nice readable short story.

I feel sad that I won’t type as fast or competently as I used to, but my love of writing is still as strong as ever. Every day is a new chance to see what my latest limitations are. If I stop writing, I know that skill can be lost forever, and I don't want that to happen. As I ponder this, I also think about how I will store my stories. I will create a new folder in my Files to keep things organized between all my devices. Luckily, I am still an Apple fanboy, so everything communicates seamlessly. I just created that folder for these stories. I used Ulysses for a long time, but I wanted something I wouldn't have to pay a subscription fee.

Once I complete this story, I will try to sleep again using the new CPAP machine. I didn't realize it was so difficult to fall asleep the first few nights, but it is better after receiving a full-face mask than the nasal one. Saturday was busy, with Hal’s sister flying in from Florida for several days. I will give Hal and her their time together. They haven't seen each other since before the pandemic started.

I envy Hal because he has siblings that he gets along with. I am an only child, and my extended so-called family is a hot mess that I don't bother with because too many negative memories are best left buried. Time does heal all wounds if we let it. I thought about going back to Kentucky to see my one close relative, but the airfare is ridiculous, especially since the nearest small airport is still 60 miles from her house. Years ago, I learned that family is best left to long-distance phone calls without real interaction. Until I met Hal, I lived alone because my parents told me to get out of the town where I was born. They said there was no future there, and they were right. Aside from a few friends who inherited their family medical or legal practices, the successful members of my graduating class, like myself, had to go elsewhere to make a successful career.

I saw the world, or most of it, while in the Navy but paid the price. I did all the things that sailors are known for. I smoked and drank like there was no tomorrow and am disabled for the rest of my life. I will survive and do the best that I can. The past cannot be changed, and looking back regretfully is a sure way to harm yourself.

Well, almost a week passed since I last worked on this story. We had family visiting, which occupied almost every waking moment for Hal and myself. We had a great time, although something went wrong every day during the visit, and I was usually left to deal with it because Hal deserved to spend time with his sister. I’m working on a separate story about those adventures.

On the bright side, I am enjoying the new writing routine using Apple Pages for a change. I did create a new iCloud folder for my stories, and things are going great. Writing a story doesn’t necessarily mean I must finish it in one sitting; I can take my time to get it precisely right and publish it. No matter how hard I try, this seems to be the most challenging thing to learn as I become a better writer. Haste does indeed make waste when it comes to writing.

My website is running smoothly. I picked up a few new subscribers recently, and I’m letting the website grow organically in the beginning because that is the best way for it to flourish, in my opinion. I have my usual backlog of stories to work on that will keep me busy. It is the self-discipline that I need to focus on. The realization that the only person or thing truly holding me back is myself; there is no more time to waste trying to blame my own shortcomings on others. If I want my website to succeed, I must focus on that task. And one key aspect to that is finding a writing approach and the correct tools to make it possible.

I spent some time today re-stacking my story backlog so I can use a focused approach to reducing that list, at least temporarily, because I will always keep adding to it as time goes on. I have a limit on the number of stories I keep in my backlog because it doesn’t serve a purpose to let the list grow continually.

I have another personal hang up that I need to get off my chest. I continually seek out new ways to write my stories. I believe that learning new things is always valuable, but I tend to go from 0-100 in a new direction, or on a new writing method before I realize that I didn’t actually learn anything. Knowing how I am makes me want to slow down with this new approach using Apple Pages. I am not, and may never be, the writer who can churn out massive quantities of stories daily. Instead I should concentrate on making the best stories I can, and then publishing those.

I have worked on this story for almost five days, and it feels like it is nowhere near finished. Each time I read it, I feel less certain about it. Part of this stems from a fear of rejection on my part, that is something that I must overcome on my own. The best solution I can think of is to just publish this and let the chips fall where they may.

The only way to be a better writer is to keep writing. As long as I get a sense of accomplishment from my writing, the time wasn’t wasted.

I will start to wind this story up as I plan my Friday evening here at home with Hal and The Stooges. It gets dark earlier now that we have already made it to late October. I’m glad that we have a safe and warm place here to stay safe. The idea of a nice, hot shower is tempting me as I type. I can think positively about going to bed since the CPAP is helping me sleep better.

There is so much that I still want to say, but it is best to save it for another story patiently waiting in my backlog for my next writing effort. I’m glad I took my time on this story, I feel like it was worth the effort. The weekend is here, that doesn’t mean much anymore, but we’ll make the best of it. Hopefully, the weather won’t be bad, but if it is, we have more than enough food here to last for several days.

Hal just suggested curling up on the couch after we shower, and watching some old movies together. I think that is a great idea, and I recognize how lucky I am to have a partner like him in my life. A big bowl of popcorn for us, and The Stooges crawling all over us is the perfect way to spend a rainy Friday evening. I am one of, if not the, luckiest men in the world. I hope that everyone can find some Peace and Kindness in their lives right now. There is too much suffering, violence, and hate that we need to get rid of before we can make the world a better place.

“Why in the world are we here Surely not to live in pain and fear” John Lennon “Instant Karma”

Hal and I ventured out on Friday. We went to our regularly scheduled chiropractor appointment and then Hal wanted to go by the shopping mall. We got there, and the mall which is mainly deserted most of the year was packed. I couldn’t find a parking spot, so we ever went inside until Hal saw a parking spot near AtHome, so I parked and told him I was staying in the car. 

As we had circumnavigated the mall, with shoppers darting in and out of traffic, I didn’t see even one person wearing a mask. That was the reason I stayed in the car while Hal went inside, and yes, Hal wore his mask. 

Sadly, I’m not surprised at how many people no longer wear masks, especially in crowded spaces like a shopping mall or grocery store. Hal and I still wear our masks anytime we go inside a place that is crowded. We also carry wipes to clean our hands after touching surfaces. When we go to a restaurant, we wipe the table and things like salt and pepper shakers before we use them. People give us strange looks, but thankfully neither of us has contracted COVID. 

While some people are tired of hearing about this, we still discover people we know who just contracted COVID within the last week. While staying up to date on vaccines helps, there is, and never was, a 100% guarantee that you wouldn’t catch COVID, but at least the severity is less when you’re vaccinated. 

Take care of yourself and others, especially during this holiday season. 

“Why in the world are we here Surely not to live in pain and fear” John Lennon “Instant Karma”

I’ve read lots of articles about the new FOM pricing tier on Medium, and while I am opposed to it on philosophical grounds. I realize that my opposition doesn’t matter to anyone else but me. I’m in a bit of a writing rut now, but that’s unrelated to the whole FOM issue. 

Initially, my reaction was to start exploring other writing platforms, but I already have my obscure personal website at https://www.dreamersreadyroom.com/ so that feeling of indignation quickly faded away. I did find a new platform that allows me to post to the Fediverse and Mastodon at write.as which is useful to me because I found Mastodon a much more pleasant and agreeable place than Twitter/X ever was. 

So, once I got past my initial reaction to FOM, I decided that the best course of action was a big dose of Fuckitol and then move on with my life. My writing rut continues to some degree. I suppose it has something to do with the holiday season, but Hal and I aren’t doing gifts this year. I sense that the world is a less kind place this year. It seems like everyone is itching to start a fight with everyone else. Hal and I are happy together, and if that offends some, I’m sure that there is some kind of online therapy to help them get over it. 

Whenever we’ve gone out, the tension is in the air. When we are kind and pleasant to those around us, we appear to be the oddballs in the crowd. We can handle that. 

Everyone seems on edge, I wish they could just relax, but I think there’s a lot of fear out there for the future. It’s always doom and gloom from the news media, and even that pessimism has found its way onto Medium. 

Therefore, I’m not upgrading to FOM. I wish those who do nothing but prosperity and success. I simply can’t afford it, and if this is the beginning of the end for Medium, then I’ll accept that and move on with life. 

“Why in the world are we here Surely not to live in pain and fear” John Lennon “Instant Karma”

The rain is gently tapping on the bedroom window, and this is a sign that I should stay home today. What the Hell? I might as well just stay right here in bed.

“Why in the world are we here Surely not to live in pain and fear” John Lennon “Instant Karma”

There are times when I feel like I am alone in the world. I am with Hal and The Stooges, but we seem to exist in our own little world. Most of this is my own fault because I chose the path of Kindness, which automatically separates me from so many other people. Hal and I have been together for twenty-four wonderful years, more than most of our “married” friends. Our focus is on each other and how we can make our life together better than it already is. Strangely enough, almost none of our efforts are focused on material possessions. Instead, we each are grateful for each other, and for the things we already have that you cannot put a price on, such as love and Kindness, compassion and caring for each other. We know couples who spend their every waking minute having material possessions, they put together a superficial image that things are great, but we’ve seen through the charade when we overheard them arguing about what else they thought they needed. We’ve seen others who pursue the approval of others to validate their own decisions. These people turn out miserable because they are striving to please others instead of themselves.

“Why in the world are we here Surely not to live in pain and fear” John Lennon “Instant Karma”

Test 2

“Why in the world are we here Surely not to live in pain and fear” John Lennon “Instant Karma”